We just wrapped up our outdoor fall soccer season for both girls. Our oldest, on a team of U11’s (meaning they are all 10 year olds) has had one heck of a season. This girl has been a part of the team since she was 5, and until this season, she just went to the games, played her part, and went on her way. Every season we would ask, “do you want to play soccer again?” And every season it was a resounding, “YES!” So we kept her in it. And I am so grateful that we did. She BLOSSOMED this year. She took teamwork to the next level. She’s the one you can hear on the field yelling, “good pass, Kayla!” “KK – I’m over here if you need me!” And she hustled her little tail off.
I never questioned why she didn’t want to keep playing. Some years she was the youngest, and in her words “the worst” on the entire team. But she kept coming back. It didn’t dawn on me until very late in the season that her coach had so much to do with her wanting to stick with it.
It became all so clear when we had a car conversation on the topic of coaches. We invited a friend from another team to play as a guest player during a late-season tournament. She loved playing on my daughter’s team. This team giggles, they screech, they have fun (one of the girls is known for her in-game karate chops), they support each other and they play HARD. Everyone gives 110% the whole game. But the coach sets the tone that we are here to play hard AND have fun. I admire her ability to give them things to work on without berating anyone or making the team feel bad if they lose. And her ability to joke around with them keeps them all laughing and feeling like they are in this together.
When taking my girl and her friend, the guest player, home from their games, the guest player told me, “I really like playing with your team. Everyone is just so nice.” We agreed – all the girls got along well and have been really sweet to guest goalie. “But,” she continued, “I don’t think I could leave my team. They were my first friends when I moved to Texas.” We also agreed, telling guest goalie we would love to have her join us for other tournaments, but think it’s best for her to stick with her original crew.
She kept talking, still in her head, and I could tell she was still weighing the options. “Yeah, but our coach is just different. We play hard for him because when we lose, we feel like we ruin his week.” I stopped talking. That’s a LOT of pressure to put on a team of 10-year olds.
I immediately became so grateful for the 5-years my daughter has gotten to play for this strong, kind woman who works hard to teach, direct, and most importantly, build up these girls.
What if every rec coach in America heard those pressure-filled words of our guest-goalie and heard my momma thoughts? Would they coach with less emphasis on the end goal of more W’s than L’s? Would they focus more on how the team works together, how they grow? Would they coach with a different perspective on building up their players, building character over victories?
I sure hope so. And as a parent, when you find that coach that builds up your kiddo, you stick with it. Thank you Coach Amy.
