You may have heard of FOMO. Fear of missing out. I had a pretty awful case of FOMO in my 20s. But have you heard of FOPO? Fear of other people’s opinions? This is one I’ve had some very personal experience with. When you can address why you’re stuck, or why you catch yourself hesitating to do the things you really feel, you could also be crippled by OPO.
[Side note: I’m still a work in progress, so this is my voice speaking from progress, not perfection.]
How to tell you have fear of OPO.
1. You procrastinate about replying to invites. What if you say yes and then someone else asks you to do something better (wait, is that FOMO?) The real hesitation comes when you have to or even, lord forbid, want to say no. But you put it off. You’re afraid of hurting someone else. Or you’re afraid you’ll stop getting invited to things. Or you’re afraid they’ll judge you and talk about you when EVERYONE ELSE is there but you’re not.
2. You stop asking yourself “what do I want?” You’ve lived your whole life for everyone else – you’ve gone where your husband wants to go on vacation, traded in your passions for the likes of your kids, taken on more than you can chew at work because you just can’t say no to your boss. But what do YOU want? If you get too deep into listening to OPO, you stop listening to yourself. And that, my friends, can be dangerous.
3. You don’t do “the thing” that’s maybe a little big, a little bold, a little out there because you’re pretty sure OPO will tell you it’s a dumb idea and you’re likely to fail anyway. If you talk yourself out of pursuing a passion before you even get a chance to explore it – even if it does set your heart on fire – you’ve just let OPO dictate what you “should” do.
How to break free from the fear of OPO?
1. Identify it for what it is. It’s just fear. Fears can be loud and they can be devastating, but the majority of the things you fear almost never actually come true. It’s true – a new study shows that 91% of the things we fear NEVER HAPPEN. If you can call a spade a spade, then you can know what you’re dealing with and how to use tools to overcome it.
2. Grow your own voice. Learn yourself. Learn what YOU like. Don’t like country music? Don’t like going to parties where you know two or less people? That’s OK! You be you. But if you don’t know YOU, it’s hard to have a backbone to stand for and against the things you feel strongly about.
3. Find a tribe that values your voice. It’s your safe space. It’s your haven. Maybe it’s your mom or your best friend. Or maybe it’s your therapist first and then your mom and best friend. Whatever your tribe looks like, find a supportive network that allows you to express your true voice safely. And then grow that confidence in your own voice.
4. Catch yourself on the word “should”. “Should” is the box of perfectionism, the box of shame for not following all the rules. Let the “shoulds” fall, and lean into your own ideas of what feels right for you, for your family, for your heart. It will allow you to live more creatively and more freely.
My hope for you and me both is that we can all trust our own voices and our own intuitions a little more. You were uniquely made for a reason. Let us value our own opinions the most.
