Pre-reading alert: This is not a post for children.  And this topic is almost as polarizing as the elections!  But I’m here to have a little fun with it and share a few sides of the perspective. 

When I was growing up, I learned really early who bought our gifts and stuck them under the tree Christmas morning.  My little brother was about 3 years old, and he came out of my parents room riding his brand new scoot along fire truck…two days before Christmas.  My older brother and I (who honestly were not that much older) put the pieces together when Santa re-set the gift out on Christmas morning.  I don’t remember being heart broken or traumatized.  It’s just how I learned the truth about Santa. 

Fast forward 30+ years to our house with two girls ages 10 and 7.  We have kept up the Christmas magic for a whole decade, bringing them to see Santa at Bass Pro Shop (because honestly, he’s the best!…sadly, though, not this year), having an Elf on the Shelf magically delivered to our doorstep every year around December 1st, and doing a really great job of keeping big gifts hidden until they appear, unwrapped in front of our tree on December 25th.  

Our kids “believe”.  But they started on the questions this year.  “Why doesn’t our elf do anything fun?” (because we set the bar low)  “Why does Lila’s elf only come for the 12 days of Christmas?” (because her parents are genius)  “I don’t think I’m going to write a letter to Santa this year.  He should just know what I want.” (dammit!)

In talking to a few other parents about this topic, I have discovered you fall into roughly 4 categories on the whole Santa gig. 

The Truth Seekers

Our friends confessed this week that they told their kids that they were the ones who put out the presents.  They had a marital pact that if a child point blank asked them, they were going to tell the truth.  (Side note, our friend is a pastor and his wife is an upstanding citizen.  The truth works well for them.)  “Experts” say that this is the best way to approach the Santa discussion so you can keep your credibility intact.  The interesting bit about their truth telling was that it brought up questions about God.  “Well, if Santa is fake, is God made up too?”  This is where being a Santa-loving Christian gets tricky!  They were able to talk through the differences between the two and ultimately convinced their son that dad wasn’t “preaching just to get money.”  

The Mascot

We have another set of friends who has treated Santa kind of like a mascot, like Mickey and Minnie or a Disney Princess.  They feel it’s fine to have Santa around Christmas, but have really tried hard not to push the idea that you must believe in order to get presents.  When they get questions, they try to respond back with questions.  “Is he real?” “What do you think?”  Personally I think this is a great way to parent in faith while parenting through a highly secular holiday, but I didn’t have a clue this was an option!  

The Guilting Santa

You better not pout, you better not cry.  The elf is watching you! Parents have been using Santa as their scapegoat for enticing good behavior for years.  And I’ll be honest, we used this tactic when our kids were younger.  But I’ve come to realize when you teach kids that being kind begets toys, it sets them up to learn that generosity only happens when we get something in return.  If you’re this kind of parent, you may want to lighten up or at least start the process of untangling the strings-attached message this is sending to kids. We want our children to know unconditional love, not just love if they are kind and good.   

---

“As a grown-up I’ve learned that all the “Christmas magic” I felt as a kid was really a mom who loved me so damn much.”  

@dad_on_my_feet via Instagram

---

The Magic Spreader (aka The Big Fat Liar)

I grew up thinking that Christmas was such a magical time of year.  Even though we knew, my parents kept up the surprises and the magic going long into our teens.  At our house, I feel like there’s a certain bit of “magic” about waking up and going to look for a stuffed animal elf that may or may not have gotten into a bit of mischief last night.  Do I feel bad about lying to my kids when we push them to always tell the truth?  Kinda.  But we are also a house that may or may not believe in fairies and unicorns and mermaids.  And I just can’t help thinking that there’s something a little fun and innocent about that.  

When the time comes, I do hope that I can help my kids see the difference in “magic” and “faith”. One is for feeling light and silly.  The other is for feeling whole and loved.  This time, I’m opting for both. 

A note about our elf:  Our elf’s name is Shelf.  Shelf came to us 6 years ago, when my oldest was 4 and came up with only extremely original names.  Two years ago I got tired of Shelf not being able to sit up or move his arms, so I ordered a kit and sewed in wires into his limbs and magnets into his hands and feet. (Yes, it’s a thing.)  He used to be the most boring elf on the block, moving from one lame hiding spot to the next, but is now getting into a little fun of his own – snow angels, candy cane swiping and riding a flamingo! Oh my! I think I have in mind this could be our last season with Shelf so I’m going all out.  Or maybe Pinterest has finally gone and ruined me.